This, of all the questions we could ask in college, is one of the most prevalent. Because we do realize we are in fact at college, possibly in debt, to receive a degree and get a job. Our minds are a little bit deeper than that. So as I dug into the same self discovery that most college students are in, I have mostly been stuck, profoundly, on the question, why am I here?
I really want to get that dream job. But like I said, we are deeper than that. College sends us into a great void of questions. Most likely, on the heaving back of the deeper question.
I tried to figure out my purpose. I chose my degree. I kept searching. I did know who I was. It changed from “who am I” into “why am I.” And that alone makes my brain hurt. But I pushed through it. Why am I here?
Here is what I wrote a while ago about that question, and the answer. If anything, take some time to look up at the sky.
Star and Cross Lovers
These days, we all want more. I do too. I keep wanting more clothes, to fit my new phases. I keep wanting to buy more blankets for my bed because an abundance just feels necessary. I want the new phone and the new laptop. Actually, I have both. But then what? Now I want more. Maybe it is because these are all materialistic things. So I traveled, I quit social media, I ran through fields of grass with my friends at night, I saw some of the prettiest moons and sunrises, I laughed with my family until it hurt, and suddenly I am in my bed at night on an uneventful day thinking those greedy words, “I want more.” It never is enough. I grab my phone hoping to reach to my friends. Or I pull up Netflix to find some comfort in binge watching. Then I get hungry. I need something else. I have to have it or else… Why am I here? What am I doing with my life? When will I find my true love? Will I be happy when I am older? Am I fat? And while sometimes this comes from the predictable yet unpredictable fluctuations in hormones, other times it is simply not having enough. And even when I think long and hard about the amazing changes I have made in my life, even the unmaterialistic ones, I feel like I am still running around frantically as though I am looking for something extremely important but refuse, I refuse to open my eyes. I want to remind myself that if I only opened my eyes, like I have before, what I see is amazing. It is more than all the most beautiful colors of the sky. It is more than everything I could ever crave. It is the well I drink from. The eternal hope I have due to His grace. And I deny it, at different moments on different days but right now in this moment I do not deny it at all. If I open my eyes, just like if you look to the sky, one day, one moment, you will eventually get a glimpse of a shooting star.
I deny God, a lot. That is the painful truth.
College, a handful of important friends, free food and late nights taught me more about Jesus. But I had to call out to Him. So, why am I here? I think, humbly, that it might be to meet Jesus, let him guide me through life, and most importantly to glorify him in what I decide to do with my many decisions. Life is short. Somehow he lights up my world. He can light up yours too.
What are your thoughts? Do you like Star and Cross Lovers? Comment below!
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